Depression has long been
an ugly, secretive dragon that has lurked in the shadows of humanity.
It's also been an extremely misunderstood monster.
Pop
culture has shown us extreme, cartoony versions of depression
throughout the last few decades. We've seen the crying, the meltdowns,
the chain-smoking. We've heard that depressed people need to light
candles, get a dog, take a bubble bath, go to the spa, be thankful for
what they have, stop complaining, look on the bright side, and
generally, just stop. Some of this advice comes from
professionals. Some of it doesn't. Anyone with depression has met at
least a few people who don't suffer from depression, but have more than a
little advice for people that do. It can feel like the motive behind
all of this aggressive advice is "stop being depressed, it's bumming me
out." It can become exhausting, and even more depressing, being told
that we could cure ourselves if we just sniffed the right amount of
candles... especially when we know that isn't true.
While
this post only covers a few must-haves for surviving depression, please
know it comes from a person who has and is struggling with depression
too. These are tips that I've road-tested, and continue to use every
day. I hope they can be helpful to you. You are not alone.
Movement:
Movement is so important. I used to scoff at doctors who said that
taking walks was good for depression, but that was before 2016. When
depression hit me hardest, it took everything in my body to even get out
of bed and complete small tasks at home. Suddenly, things like leaving
the house, seeing friends, or working a shift at a retail job felt
almost impossible. I was terrified of slipping back into the crisis
state I'd been in after my concussion in 2008, and felt like I would
never have energy again. Movement, walking, working out, working shifts
at Starbucks... those things were what propelled me slowly back out of
the weeks and months of sleepy, lifeless, hopeless existence.
Movement
can come in any form you can handle. Make a small daily goal for
yourself and try to stick to it, no matter what. The smaller the goal,
the better chance you have of achieving it. The more you achieve goals,
the better you'll feel. So start with something small, like walking to
the end of your street and back once a day, or walking for ten minutes
on the treadmill, or doing twenty jumping jacks a day. If you find that
it's almost bedtime and you've missed your movement goal, don't give up!
Do it then, anyway, even if it's late at night. If you absolutely
can't, just be honest and direct with yourself. "I couldn't do my
movement goal today. That's okay. I've been doing it every day, and I'll
do it tomorrow." Then, with as much power as you have in you, try to
forgive yourself and let it go. Guilt is not your friend, so try to
banish it from your life.
Support system:
Many people with depression feel alone. Depression is a strange,
invisible, mythical condition that some people will never experience or
understand. To them, depression looks like it does on TV... sad girls
crying into ice cream when they have a breakup, dramatic crying episodes
from unhappy wives, etc. But that is not always what depression looks
like. It can be quiet, even silent, and it is almost always physical in
ways that people without depression can't understand. Sometimes I have
told bosses that I was sick, because it was easier to explain how little
energy I had by saying I'd caught a germ, rather than admitting that
depression/anxiety had gotten the better of me for a day. Depression can
make you feel as exhausted as someone battling a flu, and anxiety can
make you feel as sweaty, sick to your stomach, and weak as having a bad
cold. So how can you handle those really awful days alone, when people
don't understand what you're going through?
You
shouldn't. You need a support system. Reach out to people online, reach
out to friends, or people who are suffering from depression as well.
Ask them about their experiences and advice. Reach out to a therapist,
or a counselor. Find at least one person who you can be honest with,
when you're feeling too depressed to complete a simple task, make a
phone call, or handle an important matter. If you feel like you might be
burdening your friend with this, ask them ahead of time if it's okay
for you to reach out to them when you need a support system. Consider
starting with, "I'm having a bad depression day. Can I tell you what's
going on in my head right now?" If you start off this way, they can be
honest with you about if they have time and energy to help you, and you
won't feel like you are burdening them.
Kindness:
This is a big one. Not everyone is naturally empathetic, but anyone who
is suffering from depression knows how hard life can be. Fighting a
monster like depression while also living in a kind, loving way can feel
like a challenge. But doing things for other people can be both
incredibly rewarding, and a great way to counteract the nastiness of
depression and anxiety.
So
much of depression revolves around guilt. There's guilt for why you're
depressed, for when you're depressed, for the things that you miss
because you're depressed, for the people you've let down, etc.
Depression is one big ugly ball of guilt. A great way to shatter that
guilt is with kindness and giving. Take time to send a nice message to a
friend, even if it's something tiny. Send a link to a funny meme you
know your friend will like. Pay for the person's coffee behind you at
Starbucks. Say hello to an older person who looks lonely in line at the
grocery store. Send a friend $5 as a surprise, just because. Volunteer
at an animal shelter. Ask a friend if you can dog-sit for them for free,
just to get some awesome dog-cuddling time in. Taking charge and
helping someone else in their time of need can short circuit your own
anxiety or depression temporarily, allowing you to concentrate on
something outside of your own brain. Small acts of kindness help you to
feel stronger, happier, and more connected with others. It also reminds
you, even in a small way, that you are a good person, worthy of getting
better and feeling better.
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