A collection of articles, interviews, fashionable musings, and photos from the adventures of sci-fi author, interviewer and fashionista Kendra L. Saunders.
This blog celebrates body positivity and body diversity!
Self image has never been an easy topic for me. As a child, I was always a little heavier than other children, and my struggles with low confidence started early, as chronicled here.
Over the years, I've dealt with an eating disorder and countless days of low confidence. Very, very low. Depression tends to make low confidence even worse, and the two issues can spiral into an ugly, overwhelming mess. You feel you have nothing to dress up for, and then you feel that dressing up is too much work. In turn, you feel bad about yourself, and it continues on and on. You lose all hope of having a red carpet day again.
After all, the bad thoughts say, you have nothing to celebrate, and no one will want to celebrate you. If you were a stronger/smarter/better/more beautiful person, you would have the strength to put yourself together. Look how easy it is for other people!
But sometimes you need to break out your favorite lipstick or mascara, even when you don't plan to go anywhere, or see anyone. Sometimes there's magic in the physicality of setting out your favorite 'getting ready' tools. Sometimes there's magic in the right black eyeliner.
Lately I've fought back at low confidence and depression through a variety of means, but one of them has been busting out my favorite makeup and jewelry and getting red-carpet ready. Any day can be a red carpet day, if you feel like you need one. Get dressed up. Take some great pictures. Wear your amazing outfit just for sitting at your computer to write, or draw, or meditate, or bake a pie, or watch your favorite movie.
You can have a red carpet day at 2am or 6am or noon or 7pm. You can do it ANY time you want.
Here's a few pictures from recent "red carpet days."
I'm so excited to have Anastasia Amour as today's guest. Anastasia is a champion for body positivity, health, mental wellness, and all around good vibes. Her book, Inside Out, is a practical, down to earth guide to having a better relationship with yourself, inside and out.
Recently I had the honor to speak briefly to her about advice for breaking the cycle of women putting other women down, fitspo, and a few of her favorite things. Read on for more!
I loved your list of 55 ways to love
yourself. You mention something I have become more and more
passionate about- not putting down other women. We have been told
from a young age that girls cause drama, that if you want to avoid
drama, you'll avoid girls. We've been taught jealousy against each
other, and to compare ourselves negatively to each other. What do you
think we can do as women to make sure we are deprogramming from that,
and why is that good for us, individually, as well?
The dichotomy of jealousy and
comparison hurts us in so many ways. It keeps us from forming amazing
friendships because we learn to see other women as threats, and it
stops us from realising our true worth when we're constantly
comparing ourselves to others. One of the biggest steps that I
encourage girls and women to take to overcome this mentality is to
start actively seeking out positive attributes in other women.
For instance, if you see a woman
walking towards you on the street and you automatically find yourself
mentally critiquing her, notice those thoughts. Tell yourself that
those thoughts aren't helpful, and instead actively seek out
something positive about her. Even if it's only tiny or insignificant
(like maybe she's got a beautiful necklace on), it still counts. Get
into the habit of doing that every time you find yourself needlessly
critiquing or gossiping about another woman. The more you do it, the
more habitual it will become and slowly but surely, you can begin to
overwrite the previous patterns of jealousy. This helps hugely in
positively influencing our inner dialogue, overall. And, as time goes
on and as we become more aware of our thoughts and how they shape
their reality, we can then improve the patterns that we set up for
ourselves even more – for instance, by making a conscious effort to
notice positive attributes about other women that aren't
appearance-based.
But in order for us to fully recognise
our own worth, we have to realise that other women aren't the enemy.
We need to stop viewing femininity as a competition – someone
else's wit, beauty, charm or success doesn't take away from our own,
and we all rise by lifting each other.
You're so right! Such wise words,
and definitely something we can all work on. Next, your post about
fitspo really hit close for me. As someone who suffered in the past
due to an eating disorder, I know that sometimes looking at "fitspo"
has made me feel just as much self-hate as looking at models in
magazines. Do you think that any fitspo is helpful, though? And if
so, in what way?
Absolutely not. The core messages of
fitspo are generally based around themes of fear, guilt and shame
used as motivational tools. Through subtle language cues they teach
us that fat is bad, that we need to repent for our food sins and that
if we're not about to "puke, faint or die... keep going!"
(no thank you, Jillian Michaels). We know that in the long term,
shame is just not a sustainable motivator and keeps people trapped in
perpetual infinite loops of insecurity, particularly when they're
setting themselves up with such absolutist measures of success.
It's one thing to have fitness goals
(like wanting to gain muscle mass or lose weight) or to look up to
someone for their fitness – and I don't think either of those
things are inherently problematic. But when you bring fitspo (in the
cultural sense) into it, you're ultimately only harming yourself.
Recently you posted on Instagram
about fashion and body image. Who are some of your favorite fashion
designers? And who are some of your favorite fashion brands in terms
of body inclusion?
I'm not hugely into fashion so I don't
gravitate towards any particular designers. What I look for is a
brand that produces ethically and if they have a body positive ethos,
even better! Some of the best brands leading the charge in
inclusivity, representation and diversity are Smart Glamour and
ModCloth. There are other brands that do this too, but Smart Glamour
and ModCloth in particular get it consistently right.
What are three songs that motivate
you?
With Thoughts - Art Vs. Science
Spectrum - Florence & The Machine
Sonnentanz - Klangkarussell
Favorite lipstick shade(s)?
MAC's 'Ruby Woo' - it's a classic
blue-toned Red and makes me feel like a bombshell.
Number one reason readers should buy
your book?
Because we ALL benefit from body
positivity! And whether you're just starting out on your journey or
whether you're a seasoned self-love veteran wanting to reinforce
those themes, the exercises will help you. I pinky promise.
Favorite feel-good movie?
I'm actually not a movie fan! When I
want a pick-me-up, I always gravitate towards a sitcom (Seinfeld is
my favourite).
(Anastasia chose Spectrum, by one of my favorite artists, Florence and the Machine, as a favorite motivational song! I couldn't agree more with this choice. Enjoy)
Art and writing have long been a way for humans to cope with the mysteries of life. Opening a book and reading the detailed, painful, embarrassing, loving or heart-breaking experience of another person helps us to remember that we're not alone and we never truly walk in uncharted territory, only in territory new to us.
It's a real honor to welcome poet Meggie Royer (author of Survival Songs and Healing Old Wounds with New Stitches) to the blog. In the spirit of this blog's themes (fashion and body positivity), Meggie is perhaps one of the best-suited guests to speak about the latter in terms of the power of art, healing and self-image. Read on for my interview with her...
You’ve written a lot of
poetry with themes of depression, heartbreak and self-image, things that
countless among us struggle with. Do these themes come from a personal place,
or an outside observation?
Some of these themes definitely do come from a personal place,
especially the depression and self-image issues. Those are issues I struggle
with a lot myself, so they manifest themselves as common motifs in my poetry. I
write about them with the intent of self-healing, but more so with the intent
of hopefully providing some sort of comfort and healing for others experiencing
the same difficulties. I also like to mix my own personal experiences with
outside observations of others’ experiences to create a blend of personal and
observational, because I think it makes my poetry more relatable.
Your response through
social media like Tumblr and Twitter has been overwhelming, with people
contacting you to say how much you inspired them. Some even say your work saved
them from suicide. Did you ever imagine this kind of response?
I never, ever in a million years imagined this kind of response. Sometimes
it honestly still just feels surreal- like it’s another writer people are
responding to and contacting. Overall, I am incredibly grateful and overwhelmed
for the huge volume of support I’ve received throughout my writing career, and
also so relieved and glad to know that my writing has actually saved some
lives. I could not imagine a better result stemming from my writing. I’m just
happy it has such a positive impact on so many people.
I know with my own poetry,
it’s often hard to extract myself from the work and speak on the subject
because it’s a deeper form of communication in so many ways. But what is your
advice to people who struggle with self-image?
To people who struggle with self-image, I would say this: You are
more than a mirror. You are the face looking into the mirror, no matter how
difficult it is to see the beauty of that face. You are more powerful than you
know, and you may feel hopeless and crumbling and damaged at times, but just
remember that the Big Bang grew from dust and rock and exploded into an
incredible universe. And you’re just like that, built from flaws yet so
beautiful and humbling.
That's so beautiful. What do you listen to or
read for encouragement and inspiration?
For inspiration and encouragement I read the poetry of Bob Hicok,
Sierra DeMulder, Shinji Moon, Clementine von Radics, Sharon Olds, Gregory
Sherl, Andrea Gibson, and more, as well as messages from my own readers. I love
listening to Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, Cloud Cult, Radiohead, The National,
and Phoenix.
Amazing taste in music! Not surprising- and many of those bands write with similar themes of struggling to understand life, even the darker sides (Radiohead and Arcade Fire especially) What’s the best way for
your fans to keep up with what you’re doing?
Probably reading my blog! I’ve been trying to keep it more updated
and since summer is on the horizon I’ll be trying to post a new piece every day
like I did last summer! J
What are your plans for
2014?
This summer I’ll be holding two jobs: a manual labor job and the
second job of writing a third poetry book! This time it will be combined with
photography. I love making mixed-media collage self-portraits, which are a
blend of poetry and photography, so I will include a lot of those in my new
book. It’ll be a busy summer for sure, but I’m looking forward to it! Then back
to college in the fall.
Exciting! One of your fans, username
Mysteriouswritergirl from tumblr, wants to know if you’d be interested in
taking part in a poetry reading if she put one together, or in poetry
readings/collaboration in general.
I’d love to do a poetry reading, but unfortunately my
schedule/financial situation would likely prevent me from traveling much during
college. I’ve done several collabs before though and they’ve been pretty fun,
so I’d be glad to try a few during the summer.
Everyone has an opinion on it, and today I was unexpectedly drawn into a debate over it. Perhaps surprisingly, I stand on the 'let's not banish all airbrushing' side. Here's why...
*Advertisements are, at heart, consumerist propaganda. Cute green geckos don't really help us save money on car insurance, not everyone who wears clothes made from cotton sings an indie-cute song about it and no matter how many fancy bottles of colored vodka I've tried, I've never turned into a tall, svelte French woman surrounded by handsome men in suits. (Trust me on that last one...) Advertising as we know it began long before photoshop, back in the 1920s, when pictures were added to advertisements to sell products. The pictures showed '20's era starlets smiling and wearing glamorous clothes- and who didn't want to be that girl? Deodorant and toothpaste and mouthwash, etc, flew off the shelves while everyone reached desperately for the glamorous image that accompanied it. Even without photoshop, advertisements are unrealistic representations of a split second of staged enthusiasm that rarely has anything to do with a product, and instead speaks to our self image hang-ups, if we allow it.
*High fashion is fantasy. For most of us, even those who occasionally wear designer labels, high fashion is an artistic fantasy. The pieces are untouchably expensive, they're delicate and they're few in number. The advertising campaigns that go with them are also fantasy. When we see a gorgeous mermaid holding a bottle of $85 designer perfume, we're not supposed to debate if mermaids exist. When we see Lady Gaga lounging with a purse on her arm... well, when was the last time that ANYTHING Lady Gaga did was considered anything other than fantasy? Personally, I love photoshoots. I love high drama and surrealistic images, black and white photography, intense makeup, crazy concepts, magic. I've hung many of my favorite advertisements up on my walls or pasted them into a special as inspiration over the years. They're artistic and inspirational and idea-prompting, especially for me as a writer, airbrush and all.
*We all present ourselves in the best light we can. Come on, how many of us have slapped a gauzy filter onto our photo when we're battling a particularly awful round of Acne Wars? Get your hands up, join me, because we've all done it. We learn our lighting and our angles (soft lighting and straight on or held up and pointed down, for me). We learn selfie-tactics. We apply makeup or fix our hair. None of us look that babetastic during every single second of our lives, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a fabulous profile picture on facebook.
*Self image issues are tearing us apart, yes. We're all obsessed with self image. We're obsessed with our weight, with being overweight or underweight, with gaining weight or losing weight, with wondering why we talk about weight, with talking about why we shouldn't talk about weight, or being afraid to admit we want to lose weight, because someone will pop up and say FAT SHAMER, YOU SHOULDN'T PROMOTE UNHEALTHY WEIGHT LOSS/EATING DISORDERS/DIETS. This won't be solved by banishing airbrushes in advertisements. Airbrush is a scapegoat. We need to take responsibility to teach our young women, our young men, our friends, our own brains, that media images are fantasy and entertainment, not reality. We need to remind ourselves every day that we have worth, whatever our body looks like. We need to be good to each other and to ourselves. We need to make positive changes if we want to. We need to support each other in those positive changes. We need to know that human beings come in all shapes and sizes and colors. We need to know that labeling someone else by their weight is only a sign of deep insecurity. We need to stop hating on fat AND thin people. We need to teach young girls why they shouldn't be cruel to each other over appearance or personality or anything. We need to remember not to be cruel to ourselves. We need to be kind to our bodies, our minds and our souls.
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