Anastasia Amour: Self-Worth, Fitspo, and Ruby Woo Lipstick

I'm so excited to have Anastasia Amour as today's guest. Anastasia is a champion for body positivity, health, mental wellness, and all around good vibes. Her book, Inside Out, is a practical, down to earth guide to having a better relationship with yourself, inside and out.

Recently I had the honor to speak briefly to her about advice for breaking the cycle of women putting other women down, fitspo, and a few of her favorite things. Read on for more!

I loved your list of 55 ways to love yourself. You mention something I have become more and more passionate about- not putting down other women. We have been told from a young age that girls cause drama, that if you want to avoid drama, you'll avoid girls. We've been taught jealousy against each other, and to compare ourselves negatively to each other. What do you think we can do as women to make sure we are deprogramming from that, and why is that good for us, individually, as well?

The dichotomy of jealousy and comparison hurts us in so many ways. It keeps us from forming amazing friendships because we learn to see other women as threats, and it stops us from realising our true worth when we're constantly comparing ourselves to others. One of the biggest steps that I encourage girls and women to take to overcome this mentality is to start actively seeking out positive attributes in other women.

For instance, if you see a woman walking towards you on the street and you automatically find yourself mentally critiquing her, notice those thoughts. Tell yourself that those thoughts aren't helpful, and instead actively seek out something positive about her. Even if it's only tiny or insignificant (like maybe she's got a beautiful necklace on), it still counts. Get into the habit of doing that every time you find yourself needlessly critiquing or gossiping about another woman. The more you do it, the more habitual it will become and slowly but surely, you can begin to overwrite the previous patterns of jealousy. This helps hugely in positively influencing our inner dialogue, overall. And, as time goes on and as we become more aware of our thoughts and how they shape their reality, we can then improve the patterns that we set up for ourselves even more – for instance, by making a conscious effort to notice positive attributes about other women that aren't appearance-based.

But in order for us to fully recognise our own worth, we have to realise that other women aren't the enemy. We need to stop viewing femininity as a competition – someone else's wit, beauty, charm or success doesn't take away from our own, and we all rise by lifting each other.

You're so right! Such wise words, and definitely something we can all work on. Next, your post about fitspo really hit close for me. As someone who suffered in the past due to an eating disorder, I know that sometimes looking at "fitspo" has made me feel just as much self-hate as looking at models in magazines. Do you think that any fitspo is helpful, though? And if so, in what way?

Absolutely not. The core messages of fitspo are generally based around themes of fear, guilt and shame used as motivational tools. Through subtle language cues they teach us that fat is bad, that we need to repent for our food sins and that if we're not about to "puke, faint or die... keep going!" (no thank you, Jillian Michaels). We know that in the long term, shame is just not a sustainable motivator and keeps people trapped in perpetual infinite loops of insecurity, particularly when they're setting themselves up with such absolutist measures of success.

It's one thing to have fitness goals (like wanting to gain muscle mass or lose weight) or to look up to someone for their fitness – and I don't think either of those things are inherently problematic. But when you bring fitspo (in the cultural sense) into it, you're ultimately only harming yourself.

Recently you posted on Instagram about fashion and body image. Who are some of your favorite fashion designers? And who are some of your favorite fashion brands in terms of body inclusion?

I'm not hugely into fashion so I don't gravitate towards any particular designers. What I look for is a brand that produces ethically and if they have a body positive ethos, even better! Some of the best brands leading the charge in inclusivity, representation and diversity are Smart Glamour and ModCloth. There are other brands that do this too, but Smart Glamour and ModCloth in particular get it consistently right.

What are three songs that motivate you?

With Thoughts - Art Vs. Science

Spectrum - Florence & The Machine

Sonnentanz - Klangkarussell

Favorite lipstick shade(s)?

MAC's 'Ruby Woo' - it's a classic blue-toned Red and makes me feel like a bombshell.

Number one reason readers should buy your book?

Because we ALL benefit from body positivity! And whether you're just starting out on your journey or whether you're a seasoned self-love veteran wanting to reinforce those themes, the exercises will help you. I pinky promise.

Favorite feel-good movie?

I'm actually not a movie fan! When I want a pick-me-up, I always gravitate towards a sitcom (Seinfeld is my favourite).

Order Anastasia's book: http://anastasiaamour.com/product/inside-out-paperback/

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anastasiaamour/

 (Anastasia chose Spectrum, by one of my favorite artists, Florence and the Machine, as a favorite motivational song! I couldn't agree more with this choice. Enjoy)

Fashion Spotlight: Fabletics, and Why You Need Some Camo Leggings

As a typical modern woman, I would describe my life in one word as "busy." Or maybe "stressed," if I was being more honest. These days we have more to do than ever before, especially if we are single and supporting ourselves while also building a career in the arts (hands up, ladies! Who knows what I'm talking about?) Fitting in time for relaxation, time with friends and self-care can be difficult.

One aspect of self-care that I've noticed always helps the most is working out. It's not that I'm an outdoors person (this girl? You'll never find me in the mountains or on a long hike. Noooo way), but the practice of mental quiet and physical exertion allows me to disappear into another, private world for a short time.

Working out involves time, though, and for those of us who don't have much time for anything, it can get pushed to the bottom of the list. When that happens, many of us find ourselves in poorer shape than we'd like to be in and experience low self-esteem. This cycle of negativity can send someone down a path of even worse health and anxiety.

Enter Fabletics, an upbeat and refreshing lifestyle brand that works hard to provide AFFORDABLE and ATTRACTIVE workout gear for gals of all sizes, shapes, ages and financial situations. Fabletics encourages far more than a cute shirt for yoga, though; the company regularly shares well-being messages and tips, speaks to their audience with a refreshingly conversational voice, and genuinely supports women in all of their crazy modern lifestyles.

It's hard to get this girl out of a dress, and even more so into a pair of anything resembling pants, but I'm amazed to say that my first Fabletics outfit lived up to the hype- not only did I put it on immediately and head outside for a walk, but I actually wanted to wear it on errands-- and did! Putting on a cute workout outfit can really motivate you to take even small steps in the right direction. Whoohoo, confidence boost!

My outfit is called Seconde, and features the most comfortable (and sexy!) camo workout leggings in the universe. Seriously, slip into a pair of them and tell me you don't want to wear them all the time! The tank top is loose and swingy and looks very nice, though it should be noted the back./sides hang pretty low, so if that's a problem area for you, you might want to choose a different tank. And that workout bra! Love it!

Fabletics provides another cool service... you sign up for their VIP program, get your first 3-piece outfit at a greatly discounted price, and then receive outfit suggestions at the beginning of each month (you can choose to buy or skip your selections each month). Fabletics also offers accessories now, including cool water bottles.

(Outfit: Fabletics. Bag by Payton Designs.Visit Payton Designs tumblr and Instagram)

As a long time fan of Kate Hudson, I'm truly excited to see her sunny and positive vibes shining through the Fabletics brand.

(Kate wearing Fabletics. The camo leggings are the bomb, truly)

Do yourself a favor and pick something up NOW! And tell them Kendry Bird sent you, because Kendry Bird can always use more gorgeous workout gear ;) 

http://www.fabletics.com/invite/51431680/

A Moment With... Project Runway's Leanne Marshall

I had the opportunity to ask Leanne Marshall a few questions recently. Read on for her answers and some gorgeous photos from her fashion show last September!

Q: I attended your show at NY Fashion Week, September 2013. Your collection was just stunning, with brilliant punches of color (that pink!) Are bright colors going to work their way into your creative palette again?

Yes.

Q: Your Instagram is full of Wes Anderson-esque warm and lush photographs of your work and your adventures in life, including some jealousy-inducing travel snaps. Any tips for fashionistas who want to create their own aesthetic on Instagram?

Pictures that compliment each other and are very appealing to flowers. Avoid TMI photos. People are rarely interested in your food (unless the plating is extraordinary) and they never care yo see you waiting at the doctor's office. 

Q: What accessory or item of clothing is currently rotating heavily in YOUR wardrobe?

Items from the ROSS Dress for Less binge that I just had in Portland.

Q: At Kendry Bird, we promote body positivity and body diversity. What's your best advice for curvy fashionistas who want to look great? 

Wear what you feel amazing in. If you feel fantastic, that is exactly what the world will see. If you question your look, they will too. That advice goes for everyone, with every body type.

Q: What can your fans do to support you and your work?

They can follow me on instagram: LeanneMarshallDesigns and on facebook: LeanneMarshallOfficial.

Q: If you could create a wedding dress for anyone, including a fictional character, who would be your top wish?

Jennifer Lawrence.

Q: Thank you so much for your time, Leanne. It's so exciting to have you as a guest and I can't wait to see what you make next! Is there any last message you'd like to leave for your fans?

Thank you for all of the support through the years!

Meggie Royer: Depression, Self Image and the Power of Poetry

Art and writing have long been a way for humans to cope with the mysteries of life. Opening a book and reading the detailed, painful, embarrassing, loving or heart-breaking experience of another person helps us to remember that we're not alone and we never truly walk in uncharted territory, only in territory new to us.

It's a real honor to welcome poet Meggie Royer (author of Survival Songs and Healing Old Wounds with New Stitches) to the blog. In the spirit of this blog's themes (fashion and body positivity), Meggie is perhaps one of the best-suited guests to speak about the latter in terms of the power of art, healing and self-image. Read on for my interview with her...

You’ve written a lot of poetry with themes of depression, heartbreak and self-image, things that countless among us struggle with. Do these themes come from a personal place, or an outside observation?

Some of these themes definitely do come from a personal place, especially the depression and self-image issues. Those are issues I struggle with a lot myself, so they manifest themselves as common motifs in my poetry. I write about them with the intent of self-healing, but more so with the intent of hopefully providing some sort of comfort and healing for others experiencing the same difficulties. I also like to mix my own personal experiences with outside observations of others’ experiences to create a blend of personal and observational, because I think it makes my poetry more relatable.

Your response through social media like Tumblr and Twitter has been overwhelming, with people contacting you to say how much you inspired them. Some even say your work saved them from suicide. Did you ever imagine this kind of response?

I never, ever in a million years imagined this kind of response. Sometimes it honestly still just feels surreal- like it’s another writer people are responding to and contacting. Overall, I am incredibly grateful and overwhelmed for the huge volume of support I’ve received throughout my writing career, and also so relieved and glad to know that my writing has actually saved some lives. I could not imagine a better result stemming from my writing. I’m just happy it has such a positive impact on so many people.

I know with my own poetry, it’s often hard to extract myself from the work and speak on the subject because it’s a deeper form of communication in so many ways. But what is your advice to people who struggle with self-image?

To people who struggle with self-image, I would say this: You are more than a mirror. You are the face looking into the mirror, no matter how difficult it is to see the beauty of that face. You are more powerful than you know, and you may feel hopeless and crumbling and damaged at times, but just remember that the Big Bang grew from dust and rock and exploded into an incredible universe. And you’re just like that, built from flaws yet so beautiful and humbling.

That's so beautiful. What do you listen to or read for encouragement and inspiration?

For inspiration and encouragement I read the poetry of Bob Hicok, Sierra DeMulder, Shinji Moon, Clementine von Radics, Sharon Olds, Gregory Sherl, Andrea Gibson, and more, as well as messages from my own readers. I love listening to Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, Cloud Cult, Radiohead, The National, and Phoenix.

Amazing taste in music! Not surprising- and many of those bands write with similar themes of struggling to understand life, even the darker sides (Radiohead and Arcade Fire especially) What’s the best way for your fans to keep up with what you’re doing?

Probably reading my blog! I’ve been trying to keep it more updated and since summer is on the horizon I’ll be trying to post a new piece every day like I did last summer! J

What are your plans for 2014?

This summer I’ll be holding two jobs: a manual labor job and the second job of writing a third poetry book! This time it will be combined with photography. I love making mixed-media collage self-portraits, which are a blend of poetry and photography, so I will include a lot of those in my new book. It’ll be a busy summer for sure, but I’m looking forward to it! Then back to college in the fall.

Exciting! One of your fans, username Mysteriouswritergirl from tumblr, wants to know if you’d be interested in taking part in a poetry reading if she put one together, or in poetry readings/collaboration in general.

I’d love to do a poetry reading, but unfortunately my schedule/financial situation would likely prevent me from traveling much during college. I’ve done several collabs before though and they’ve been pretty fun, so I’d be glad to try a few during the summer.

Thank you so much, Meggie, for stopping by!

You can follow Meggie's Tumblr here: http://writingsforwinter.tumblr.com/

Survival Songs on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18369456-survival-songs 

(Neighborhood #1 by Arcade Fire)

10 Lbs

they say the camera adds 10 lbs
I think it adds 10 flaws
it flattens your hair but won't flatten your belly
stretches your skin too thin
smudges your 12-hour eyeliner, waterproof mascara
adds a ring to the bags under your eyes
highlights every wrinkle
sends you in a nervous rush to the drugstore for concealer
midlife crisis, 15 years early

add 10 stories to every picture
the laughter that made your eyes water
until your makeup slid down your cheeks
the drink that sent your brain to fizzy heights
the wink your friend cast across the table at you
just before he admitted he kind of liked you
the smile that made your eyes look squinty
the sweet, cold rain that refreshed you but ruined your hair
when you kissed him the first time
your quarter-life miracle, just in time



(For more of my poetry, check out my collection: GEMINIS AND PAST LIVES)

The Psychology of a Bangin' Outfit

I've talked before about how empowering it is to wear something on the outside that reflects whatever you feel on the inside (wild, colorful, loud, prim, classy, etc) but it still amazes me how we can all have days when we put an outfit together and it just doesn't work. Then we might try it again and later and... it just works. You're on fire, you feel amazing, and you don't hide from any cameras that might pop out at you.

Tonight I thought a lot about that very subject, while tearing through my closet in search of an outfit for an upcoming event, and saying things like "I have nothing to wear!" to my (very patient) sister. 2013 included a lot of major public appearances for me, including a book signing at the Book Expo America, several fashion shows at NYFW, an appearance at New York Comic Con, and a book signing in my home town. And then there was that 4 day trip to Ohio to visit with my best friend. Anytime a best friend is involved, especially one you only get to see once a year, you have to up your fashion game.

So here's a collection of some of my favorite outfits from 2013. Feel free to tweet me some pictures of your own, over at @kendrybird

 (Payton dress)

 (Top: Rue 21/ Skirt: Payton)

 (Dress: Dmitry Sholokhov/ Accessories: Half-Lucid Jewelry)

 (Jacket: Old Navy/ Earrings: Half-Lucid Jewelry)

 (Dress: thrifted/ Corset: Burlington Coat Factor/ Hat: thrifted/ Earrings: Half-Lucid Jewelry)

 (Dress: Dmitry Sholokhov/ Shoes: Charlotte Russe/ Earrings: Half-Lucid Jewelry)

 (Shirt: Ali & Kris/ Dress: Connected)

 (Dress: Lauren Conrad/ Earrings: Half-Lucid Jewelry/ Flower crown: Claire's)

(Dress: Payton/ Bracelet: NotEqual)

Body Positivity in Fiction

When I set out to write The Unlove Spell, I was beginning a journey that was new to me. I’ve always written about magic, and complicated, dark haired (usually foreign) men, and I love to write with a humorous tone that wheels between screwball and dark, but a romance? That was a new experience altogether.

The Unlove Spell is the story of Marling, a young witch who accidentally placed a spell on herself to prevent her heart from ever belonging to anyone but Viktor Arson, the hot Russian writer she shared a passionate, but brief, fling with. Marling’s spent the five years since their fling alone, occupying her personal time with the internet and hot chocolate. Viktor, who is actually a fae prince, has gone on to become a world-famous writer. He can also still make a killer good cup of coffee and wear the hell out of some leather pants. Marling finds herself caught up in a screwball plot by one of her former magic teachers and winds up in Russia, hunting Viktor down and trying to determine if she really loves him, or if her feelings are just a product of the unlove spell.

Facing a story that is primarily romantic left me nervous about falling into the deep treads of BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. Let’s be honest… there’s nothing new that could ever happen in romance. Two beings fall in love with each other, face some kind of adversity, overcome it and live happily ever after. Or one of them freezes to death on a raft that could have likely supported the weight of two people. Ahem.

One of my biggest goals with Marling was to portray a girl we all know and can believe in, instead of the 'effortlessly cool' girls I see in a lot of romantic fiction. She’s a little flighty, she doesn’t know exactly what she wants to do with her life, she sometimes lies to her peers about having a stomach bug to avoid going to an awkward party. She likes to look at pictures of cute animals on the internet. She can't go all Black Widow and kick someone in the face with her high heeled boots. But my real starting point for Marling was this:

There were three things that Marling was not particularly pleased about in regards to herself. One, her nose was crooked. Two, her voice was a bit deeper than she’d like it to be. Third, even after two consecutive years of French tutoring as a child, Marling could only remember about a dozen French words. Of course, there were also three things that she was terribly proud of. One, she’d never dyed her chesnut-brown hair (well, maybe once she’d dyed it with a spray can of sparkly pink stuff but it had mostly washed out after five weeks). Two, she had always maintained a comfortable size 12 (petite). Third, she had over six thousand followers on tumblr.

Marling is never called plus-sized. Marling doesn’t endure pages of self-torture about diets, eating, losing weight, looking ‘fat’ or worrying about how thin other people are. In fact, the only time Marling’s size is called into question is when Viktor’s mother- a major antagonist in the story- calls her fat. The scene is painful for Marling, as it would be for anyone. Yes, Marling is a size 12. No, she’s not as small as some girls. Yes, she’s probably been called fat in her life. But she doesn’t obsess over her weight or expect others will either.

Marling Ellis is an average sized, brunette American girl, and she likes nice clothes and meets a great guy, no calorie-counting or salad obsessions or “aww, the fat girl gets a guy too, aren’t you shocked!?” plotline needed.

If I can make only one revolutionary wave in the world of modern romance stories, I’d be proud for this to be it.